Really insightful. There is (yet) another woman in the public eye for many years who I’ve observed getting thinner and thinner, and I’ve wondered - how does a society develop a way of putting a supportive arm around someone?
Scrutiny is hell, and I think fame is now so surveillance-heavy and “fandom” so entitled that it increasingly drives dysphoria. I think most of us middle aged women see the EDs, but the endless appetite for transformative surgery is pretty terrifying too. That’s another shame tightrope, too - get the tweakments, but not so much you’re suddenly being g held up as having gone too far!
And by extension - what is fashion for sex changes but the alt-culture mirror of the same behaviour?
This articulates so well the extreme unease I have always felt around the two poles of how society tends to react to excessively thin female bodies - either criticising, controlling and censoring or ignoring it entirely and behaving as if it's not happening or problematic. It's just so very sad that we have yet to find a helpful way to deal with it.
I did see a fantastic play about eating disorders this year - Some Demon at the Arcola theatre. Felt like the first honest, relevant thing about it I've seen for a while. I hope it finds a wider audience.
This inspired me to email M&S about the truly shocking photos on their website of ultra-thin models. What's even more bizarre, it's impossible to picture how the clothes would really look seeing them worn by models with bony angles and no curves. Check out the dresses category in women's wear.
Thank you for this. So much to think about. I’m scared of the return of ultra thinness. I’ve had disordered eating basically my whole life and I’m a size 14/16 Australian. I’m at deep piece with my body now, I don’t weigh myself, I’ve been strength training for 20 years and I’m fit and healthy. However I still count every calorie I eat and I can’t stop. It just happens. Even if I don’t write it down or officially enter it, I can tally up my calories at the end of every day. It’s bullshit. I wish I didn’t waste any time on this but it’s so ingrained.
Your post reminded me of reading Marya Hornbacher's Wasted: A Memoir of Anorexia and Bulimia. Sounds like you were having similar experiences around the same time. Odd how this one runs and runs.
I love this so much! I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately and you address this so well. It’s definitely a rock and hard place for people with eating disorders and I love that you acknowledge that celebrities are being pressured to be “good role models for young girls” whilst under constant criticism, and at the same time having to navigate this all themselves. This is the best post I’ve read on this topic and so important to hear it from somebody that’s experienced this ❤️
As someone who has been hospitalized for anorexia in a similar situation to you, this resonated so loudly with me. Thank you, thank you for sharing your experience and giving voice to the absurdity of living a life with an eating disorder in a disordered system. It can truly feel so crazy making. I am looking forward to reading more of your thoughtful, insightful writing.
My point is that no, we aren’t all looking through the same lens. You think we all recognize what struck you as obvious, but I still don’t even know what you meant. The weight of some specific character didn’t make any impression on me.
I too endured Wicked (for my granddaughter) and was concerned about Arianna Grande’s thinness. What I found odd was that she frequently had shoulder less costumes which exposed her very bony collarbones. When her co star was generally well covered. It seemed a conscious choice to show how very thin she was, it did not seem to be attractive, why was it featured? What message was this sending to my 9 yr old grandchild?
I’m so moved by your writing and appreciate you sharing such a difficult period in your life. You articulate beautifully the hypocrisy inherent in EDs and societal behaviour around woman’s bodies.
I resonate with so much of what you describe. I’ve always considered what we put into our bodies (food) an intimate act and have encouraged these freedoms with my children. But my subconscious attitudes towards body image and femininity etc are horribly psychotically ingrained I wonder if I’ll ever have a healthy attitude toward eating which should be such a straightforward act but rarely is.
I also had to stop watching Stranger Things because I was so alarmed by that character. I just felt like I was looking around thinking, is anyone else seeing this? Why are we pretending this is normal? Is something wrong with *me* that it bothers me so much? Why don’t any of the other characters acknowledge it?
Yep- I know exactly who you are referring to and wondered the same thing. The actress was cast in another show about a serial killer going after ‘hot brunettes’ and I watched that other show still feeling worried about her health.
It was also really odd to me how she was presented in the narrative as ‘the extremely desirable woman all the boys want’. But… she’s so sick. Her clothes are falling off her. I don’t ever want to insult someone’s appearance, but it was just such a jarring choice.
I met an old friend recently, we're both in our late 60s, and live in different countries from each other, so it's been a while. She's always been obsessive about her weight, utterly convinced she's a terrible person because she's a bit round (like myself). She's done every conceivable fad diet, and a few years ago paid a fair chunk of her pension lump sum to get her stomach stapled. Now she's discovered Ozempic, and it's been her salvation, she says. She looks terrible. Gaunt, wizened, undeniably very slim. She thinks she finally looks gorgeous. Her husband says "as long as she's happy, I'm happy", fair enough. Me? I'm still rounded and also happy!
It's depressing that even age and experience and knowledge doesn't seem to make a difference in so many women (probably men,too, but I haven't spoken to any who could confirm that). The mixed messages and mind manipulation seep so deeply into every aspect of our lives, it clearly becomes fact, or common knowledge. I am horrified that we are still having these discussions 50 years on from when I first heard them.
Really insightful. There is (yet) another woman in the public eye for many years who I’ve observed getting thinner and thinner, and I’ve wondered - how does a society develop a way of putting a supportive arm around someone?
Scrutiny is hell, and I think fame is now so surveillance-heavy and “fandom” so entitled that it increasingly drives dysphoria. I think most of us middle aged women see the EDs, but the endless appetite for transformative surgery is pretty terrifying too. That’s another shame tightrope, too - get the tweakments, but not so much you’re suddenly being g held up as having gone too far!
And by extension - what is fashion for sex changes but the alt-culture mirror of the same behaviour?
This articulates so well the extreme unease I have always felt around the two poles of how society tends to react to excessively thin female bodies - either criticising, controlling and censoring or ignoring it entirely and behaving as if it's not happening or problematic. It's just so very sad that we have yet to find a helpful way to deal with it.
I did see a fantastic play about eating disorders this year - Some Demon at the Arcola theatre. Felt like the first honest, relevant thing about it I've seen for a while. I hope it finds a wider audience.
This inspired me to email M&S about the truly shocking photos on their website of ultra-thin models. What's even more bizarre, it's impossible to picture how the clothes would really look seeing them worn by models with bony angles and no curves. Check out the dresses category in women's wear.
Thank you for this. So much to think about. I’m scared of the return of ultra thinness. I’ve had disordered eating basically my whole life and I’m a size 14/16 Australian. I’m at deep piece with my body now, I don’t weigh myself, I’ve been strength training for 20 years and I’m fit and healthy. However I still count every calorie I eat and I can’t stop. It just happens. Even if I don’t write it down or officially enter it, I can tally up my calories at the end of every day. It’s bullshit. I wish I didn’t waste any time on this but it’s so ingrained.
Your post reminded me of reading Marya Hornbacher's Wasted: A Memoir of Anorexia and Bulimia. Sounds like you were having similar experiences around the same time. Odd how this one runs and runs.
I love this so much! I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately and you address this so well. It’s definitely a rock and hard place for people with eating disorders and I love that you acknowledge that celebrities are being pressured to be “good role models for young girls” whilst under constant criticism, and at the same time having to navigate this all themselves. This is the best post I’ve read on this topic and so important to hear it from somebody that’s experienced this ❤️
As someone who has been hospitalized for anorexia in a similar situation to you, this resonated so loudly with me. Thank you, thank you for sharing your experience and giving voice to the absurdity of living a life with an eating disorder in a disordered system. It can truly feel so crazy making. I am looking forward to reading more of your thoughtful, insightful writing.
I have no idea who that thin character is on Stranger Things. Is there a thin character? I didn’t notice anything.
I had no idea most of this was going on and Grande’s weight didn’t occur to me.
Other people’s weight doesn’t generally affect my life.
It’s best to avoid discussing other people’s weight unless they’ve indicated they welcome that.
You entirely missed the point
My point is that no, we aren’t all looking through the same lens. You think we all recognize what struck you as obvious, but I still don’t even know what you meant. The weight of some specific character didn’t make any impression on me.
I too endured Wicked (for my granddaughter) and was concerned about Arianna Grande’s thinness. What I found odd was that she frequently had shoulder less costumes which exposed her very bony collarbones. When her co star was generally well covered. It seemed a conscious choice to show how very thin she was, it did not seem to be attractive, why was it featured? What message was this sending to my 9 yr old grandchild?
Thank you for that. A thought-provoking read about something I’ve been fortunate not to have to think about much.
I’m so moved by your writing and appreciate you sharing such a difficult period in your life. You articulate beautifully the hypocrisy inherent in EDs and societal behaviour around woman’s bodies.
I resonate with so much of what you describe. I’ve always considered what we put into our bodies (food) an intimate act and have encouraged these freedoms with my children. But my subconscious attitudes towards body image and femininity etc are horribly psychotically ingrained I wonder if I’ll ever have a healthy attitude toward eating which should be such a straightforward act but rarely is.
I also had to stop watching Stranger Things because I was so alarmed by that character. I just felt like I was looking around thinking, is anyone else seeing this? Why are we pretending this is normal? Is something wrong with *me* that it bothers me so much? Why don’t any of the other characters acknowledge it?
Yep- I know exactly who you are referring to and wondered the same thing. The actress was cast in another show about a serial killer going after ‘hot brunettes’ and I watched that other show still feeling worried about her health.
It was also really odd to me how she was presented in the narrative as ‘the extremely desirable woman all the boys want’. But… she’s so sick. Her clothes are falling off her. I don’t ever want to insult someone’s appearance, but it was just such a jarring choice.
Thank you for this insightful essay. Have been thinking about this a lot with my daughter.
Easy - we don’t. It's none of our business
Did you read the post?
Thank you for baring your soul. It can't have been easy to write, but I hope putting it down on paper, so to speak, has helped in some way.
Dr Clare Craig has written a Substack post about Boomers, which I feel could also include all you have gone through.
Look after yourself in whatever way you need to.
I met an old friend recently, we're both in our late 60s, and live in different countries from each other, so it's been a while. She's always been obsessive about her weight, utterly convinced she's a terrible person because she's a bit round (like myself). She's done every conceivable fad diet, and a few years ago paid a fair chunk of her pension lump sum to get her stomach stapled. Now she's discovered Ozempic, and it's been her salvation, she says. She looks terrible. Gaunt, wizened, undeniably very slim. She thinks she finally looks gorgeous. Her husband says "as long as she's happy, I'm happy", fair enough. Me? I'm still rounded and also happy!
It's depressing that even age and experience and knowledge doesn't seem to make a difference in so many women (probably men,too, but I haven't spoken to any who could confirm that). The mixed messages and mind manipulation seep so deeply into every aspect of our lives, it clearly becomes fact, or common knowledge. I am horrified that we are still having these discussions 50 years on from when I first heard them.